HELLO SPRING

so the weather this week has been so absolutely perfect! i feel like lisa blogging about the weather :] haha but yeah
but the weather really does affect mood like.. at least the last two days ive been really PEPPY and stuff. its been good for no particular reason, but little things have made me smile. [SNIP SNIP OUT]

okay so i have a new outlook or something.. ignore the pessimism and aim for self-betterment?? i guesss??!!? haha there's nothing else to do in life, so might as well YA? so... here we go

Jessica's Guide to (her own) Self-Betterment:
1. stop cussing
2. be nice to annoying people like james chan
3. be nice when people start annoying me and stop trash talking them hahaha
4. think positively!
5. shut up and listen!
6. better time management
7. be more aware of everything great around you and be grateful
8. don't be a selfish. be more giving.


things i am grateful for: my education (despite all the necessary sacrifices). my parents (despite their nagging about religion/school). my siblings (whom are more like friends!). my friends (i feel like im bad at communicating that i <3 you all! so there you go! i hardly ever see anyone :[). pilot (he's sleeping on the floor in a ball! he's so cute!!!). ERNIE "ONG" (haha :[ i'm so lucky i swear. shes so awesomee waaa). being single and okay with it (-_- am i happy i dont have that kind of drama).


sometimes i wonder how i even got all of this such great parents and everything. i feel like there are way more deserving people out there.. there are way better people out there. i feel like i'm becoming a "bad person" by the day... but i guess this whole "self-betterment" thing is aiming to counteract that, right!? haha honestly i thought of this after a transcendentalist poem we read in english class inspired me -___- man it sound so stupid but learning is sort of fun like i seriously learned so much this year.. not so much about like school but alot about myself and politics and just random things.. random interesting things. still much more to learn.

and i hate it when youre walking around and you see someone... and like you can really really tell theyre unhappy or hurting, just from their eyes. it just makes me want to cry. it makes me feel terrible for everything i complain about.

i get so sad when i think about ernie and how she practically works like 12 hours a day even though its super chill at my house but still.. it must be so difficult for her to be away from her friends and family for the majority of the time, cus her family's in indonesia and stuff. man i could never live like that. and here i am complaining about not going out. :[ it makes me wonder how she feels to be stuck in someone ELSE's house taking care of someone ELSE's kids... i guess its not that bad since we're practically like her children too since she's known and taken care of us since birth, but its still not the same. i can't even imagine..

my mom sister and cousin are currently in hawaii having a blast! too bad i couldn't go... oh well. :| me and pilot are here partying it up


TONY BENNETT SANG TO ME AND CONVINCED ME TO CUT MYSELF SOME SLACK:
"Are you having any fun? Whatcha getting out of living? What good is what you've got if you're not having any fun!
Better have some fun. You ain't gonna live forever. If you're old and gray, it's still okay. Have your little fun, son!
Why do you work and slave and save like this for others and buts? You know, the squirrels save and save and what do they got? Nuts!"

haha! hey jessica! you're dumb! okay!