Cup of Coffee

Dear World,

i have failed. :[ i went out last weekend and logged into facebook (BUT NOT MYSPACE!). well i guess its not that big of a deal but i feel like i cant keep myself true to any promises. i also can't keep secrets, but thats sort of a given... and lisa says its okay that i cant keep secrets and i agree but i cant but help feel bad.

i dont have much to write about but i just felt like blogging. i came to many realizations (as usual) but i forgot most of them. o

1. i am heartless, yes i am. im extremely selective with who i "give a shit" about and its stupid because that means im so apathetic towards everyone else... in a bad, idgaf what happens to you, sort of way. im not really sure if that makes sense but yeah. okay
   
2. YES i am socially awkward as much as i try to deny it. i get awkward so easily with random people for no real reason. i think alot of times the "awkwardness" is fabricated by my own imagination.. silly.
3. i feel alone and bored in life and i want a boyfriend. screw the whole "im independent i dont need someone to make me feel happy" because thats... no.
   
4. "i dont know anything about anything." its annoying how sheltered i am.
5. as much as i hate on cliché "high school' things, i still want to be a part of them. asdf OKAY HOLDEN. :|

so today i went to the beach house with my mom and grandparents. sort of annoying. well i was being a little bitch because it was originally supposed to be just me and my mom, and she took FOREVER doing who knows what so i waited for her and RIGHT when we're about to leave my grandparents drive into our driveway -_____- i sound mean but i really didn't want them to come because my grandmas so negative and then my grandpas soo feebleee i feel like he cant do anything but whatever after waiting even MORE we left and the day was chill.
i laid out on the beach and read and attempted to get a tan. did it work? i know not. im happy cus i thought i gained a bunch of weight but it wasnt really noticeable.
there was this group of guys with a sea doo and a tube connected to it WOW it looked like so much fun i was so jealous i wanted to just be like HEY I WANT TO PLAY but thats weird and it was major sausagefest.

but yeah this was sort of just rambling, as usual. oh yes i have rediscovered Garbage hence "Cup of Coffee"... amasing.

i'm excited for prom but i'm afraid it will be awkward.
i'm excited for this month to be OVER and i can go out again.
i'm excited to go to college.



MAY 15TH MY FRIENDS! thank you.